The Classiest Place In Canada: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

JERUSALEM (UPI) -- A methamphetamine-based drug developed by the German Nazis to increase stamina is being smuggled into Israel from Thailand, officials said.

A spokesperson for the Israeli officials say that the team is searching for a solution by reading every issue of Captain America and most of Marvel Two-In-One.

LONDON (UPI) -- A British man dubbed the jigsaw killer for killing and dismembering a friend and leaving body parts across two counties will go to jail for life, a judge ruled.

Additionally, he will face civil penalties for infringing on the trademarks of Lion's Gate Entertainment for being called the jigsaw killer.

SURABAYA, Indonesia (UPI) -- An Indonesian court acquitted a 9-year-old boy of charges stemming from a bee he allegedly placed on a classmate's desk.

Sources say the boy had been charged with a Class B felony.

LONDON (UPI) -- The London inquiry into the Iraq war may ask for meetings with officials from the administration of U.S. President George W. Bush, the inquiry chairman said.

In a related story, that guy who runs the gas station might ask Megan Fox for a date on Valentine's Day, but she's probably not going to actually say yes.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- U.S. President Barack Obama, his wife looking on, signed a memorandum Tuesday setting up a federal task force to tackle childhood obesity.

The team plans to work hard towards their goal, especially since the obese kids are so hard to bring down once they're tackled.

LONDON (UPI) -- The British government is spending $90 million to build four carbon-neutral towns in England.

The new towns replace four towns that simply did not care for carbon.

TORONTO (UPI) -- A co-owner of a Toronto restaurant says she is encouraging patrons to have sex in its four unisex bathrooms to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Sources say that the guy from the gas station has already reserved a table for two.



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