They Say That Sauce Is A Bad Pastaf-: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

RIVIERA BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a man accused of holding a knife to the throat of a 60-year-old relative during an argument about a remote control.

Experts say that much energy could have been better used in just walking over and changing the channel.

ROME (UPI) -- A tomato developed in Italy is so rich in antioxidants that it grows black in color and can potentially ward off cardiovascular disease, scientists said.

Preliminary data implies it's a complicated fruit, and no one understands it but its woman.

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (UPI) -- Coca-Cola officials said new machines at Florida Burger King locations offering more than 120 varieties of beverages "are the iPods of fountain machines."

A spokesperson clarified the quote was not meant to imply it will be impossible to remove a soda once it's inside the machine.

ROME (UPI) -- Silvio Berlusconi will bow out as Italy's prime minister when his term expires in two years to become a "father figure," he said Friday.

But careless whispers about his freedom imply that he might just be praying for time in order to give it one more try, assuming the voters have faith they're not kissing a fool.

LILLOOET, British Columbia (UPI) -- A newlywed British couple vacationing in Canada learned they had been declared missing when police pulled them over Tuesday.

Prince William and his wife said they were sorry, but they felt certain that everybody on the planet had heard where they were going.

TORONTO (UPI) -- A Toronto bus passenger was outraged after seeing a bus driver urinate on a subway station, officials say.

Insiders say the inter-transit rivalry has been building ever since 2-Line crossed The Inter-county B/I/G.



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