James Cameron Goes Deep

[RSS FEED]

Along with several other millionaires and billionaires, director James Cameron is building a tiny, ridiculously expensive submarine (or submersible) to explore an area of perpetual darkness in the western Pacific known as the "Challenger Deep." He claims that this is just a fun adventure and has nothing to do with any sort of blockbuster-in-the-making. But through sources I can't reveal, I actually got ahold of his to-do list for the journey, and I'm not so sure I believe him. Take a look and decide for yourself:

• Build submersible with very limited oxygen supply (dramatic exit?)
• Hold meeting where I am told submersible is not ready due to unexpected issues
• Stubbornly yell, "To hell with your issues!"
• Break into lab in middle of night
• Board submersible and prepare for descent (against orders = ominous music!)
• Go into Challenger Deep and find never-before-discovered species of sea creature
• Sea creatures should probably look like people, just enough so it's not so weird when I fall in love with one (forehead prostheses: too Trek?)
• Girl sea creatures should probably have breasts or breast-like appendages, so it's not so weird when I get busy with one
• Girl sea creature that I get busy with with: trapped in loveless marriage? Arranged to be married to jerk sea creature? Expert martial artist jerk sea creature? (underwater fighting = automatic slow motion!!!)
• Defeat sea creature husband/fiancé in grimly ironic manner (avalanche? oxygen tank? stuffing gills with fistfuls of soil? gun?)
• Ending option 1: Grow gills and stay forever in land untouched by humanity (Thing to consider: guy with gills already done in Waterworld. Forever a step behind you, Costner!!!)
• Ending option 2: Donâ??t grow gills, remember oxygen thing with submersible, say good-bye to sexy sea creature of my dreams, and try to make it back to the surface
• Die? (Depends on whether sad ending seems right or not - feel it out when time comes)

Photo by Flickr user shansby. Used under a Creative Commons License.

 



More...