Sean University: Badge Attitude

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To get into my office here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership (SAUBMDL), I have to scan a badge. This might seem annoying, but hereâ??s the thing: you know who doesnâ??t have badges? Wolves! Thatâ??s who! And so as long as I have to scan a badge to get in, I can rest assured that thereâ??s no need to worry about bloodthirsty wolves in the office. It makes me feel safe.

Now, when youâ??re starting your own business, youâ??ve got to consider how many bloodthirsty wolves do you want around. Was your answer anything other than zero? Then youâ??re not fit to run a business. GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! For the rest of you, though, we here at Sean University would like to offer you some advice on designing the perfect badge for your business.

The front of the badge will identify employees coming into the building:

A lot of amateur badges will just have one picture, but employees donâ??t look exactly the same every day. Which is why your businessâ??s badge should have at least four pictures, covering the following contingencies...

A) what the employee looks like usually

B) what the employee will look like on Casual Friday

C) what the employee will look like if he grows a mustache (you never know when a mustache will strike your business)

D) what it will look like if your employee dies (Note: This should be a computer-generated photo. If it isnâ??t that means youâ??re paying a dead-guy. If an employee starts to look like this, immediately report him to HR.)

With these four pictures, your security guards will have no problem identifying your employees. Under that is the standard stuff:

E) what other people call the employee

F) what you call the employee

G) the barcode to the scanner machine (because for some reason itâ??s not allowed to have it tattooed on each employeeâ??s forehead! People these days! They get so worked up about petty things.)

Thatâ??s all the stuff you need for your employees to get in the door. But what about once theyâ??re in the office? Sure the front of the badge will help people learn each otherâ??s names. But how do you help employees understand their standing in the company or how they should interact with each other? Thatâ??s where the back of the badge comes in:

Here youâ??ll find each employeeâ??s vital stats:

H) This is everyone the employee is higher than in the company. If you donâ??t see your face here, feel free to delegate however much work you want onto him as long asâ?¦

I) his intelligence is low enough that he wonâ??t realize youâ??re taking advantage of him. Here, our employee is about as smart as a dog or a bonsai tree. So, youâ??re probably okay to throw anything his way. Still, he might get angry, in which case, youâ??ll need to know if he canâ?¦

J) beat you up with his karate moves. This employee is particularly dangerous because, on top of the standard chop and kick, he knows the fireball. Of course, when entering a deadly fight with someone, itâ??s also important to knowâ?¦

K) what they have to live for in this world. Here, the employee only has his two cats, which can spell trouble if you try to take him on.

This is a good template to follow, but obviously more can be added. What would you put on your companyâ??s badge, students?



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