Jitterbug: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

LONDON (UPI) -- A tooth said to have belonged to the late John Lennon is up for auction in England, with a reserve bidding price of just under $16,000.

Sources hint the DNA from the tooth could be used to create a clone of John Lennon, who will then most likely punch the idiot who just spent sixteen grand on a tooth.

RALEIGH, N.C. (UPI) -- Anti-abortion centers and groups in North Carolina will get funding from state-approved "Choose Life" license plates available later this year, officials said.

The custom plates are expected to sell well to religious groups and also fans of 80s band Wham!

SWANSEA, Mass. (UPI) -- Authorities in Massachusetts say an old horse walked away with only minor bruises after falling into a covered pool.

Official word is that, though trapped in the water, he still could not be made to drink.

LONDON (Reuters) -- WikiLeaks will have to stop publishing secret cables and devote itself to fund-raising if it is unable to end a financial "blockade" by U.S. firms such as Visa and MasterCard by the end of the year, founder Julian Assange said on Monday.

Rumors say that Assange plans to raise money by emulating traditional PBS pledge drives, and hopes to publish unknown scandals about Agatha Christie, reveal the sins of aging 50s doo-wop stars, and bring to light hidden documents regarding James Taylor and his special guests Carly Simon, Sheryl Crow, and the Boston Pops.

MYSTIC, Conn. (UPI) -- Officials at the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago said a 2,100-pound beluga whale was flown to Connecticut to try breeding with a pair of females.

Aquarium directors are unsure if the final paper will appear in a major scientific journal or Penthouse.



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