That Joke's For All You Friedkin Fans: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

LONDON (UPI) -- British actor Ralph Fiennes says Twitter and and other social media are eroding the English language.

But ppl say da star cld def unrstnd dem w/ sum ez ffrt.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- Neither rain nor snow nor gloom of night prevented trick-or-treaters from descending on the White House Saturday where President Obama gave out candy.

House Republicans were also on hand, criticizing the President for his furthering of the socialist agenda and also his refusal to consider tax breaks towards the candy purchases of millionaires.

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (UPI) -- Authorities in Virginia said they destroyed five sticks of 30-year-old dynamite that had spent years in the trunk of a broken-down vehicle.

Reports are that the recovery operation was not well received, but the soundtrack was fantastic.

TORONTO (UPI) -- Labor unions have donated three wooden huts to help Occupy Toronto financial inequity protesters survive winter in a city park.

Folklore experts urge the protesters to keep their guard up, and to definitely never shout anything like "not by the hair of my chinny chinny chin!"

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- A U.S. study found physicians who listen to Mozart while doing colonoscopies increase their detection rates of precancerous polyps, researchers say.

Proving once and for all that your local NPR classical music station is the actual cause of rectal cancer.

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. (UPI) -- Researchers using a telescope in Texas say they have discovered three planets, each orbiting its own giant, dying star.

They will be named after Marlon Brando's lawyer, that dude who married Anna Nichole Smith after she was rich, and David Spade.



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