Funny, The First Grade Teachers Say That About You Guys: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

NASSAU, Bahamas (UPI) -- The first KISS Kruise, featuring live performances by the iconic rock band, has traveled from Miami to the Bahamas.

Passengers report they were offered the chance to disembark and let some guy in fox makeup use their return ticket.

ORLANDO, Fla. (UPI) -- Most U.S. kindergarten teachers think most young children are unprepared for school when they enter kindergarten, a survey indicates.

And in a related story, most U.S. kindergarten teachers were surprised to learn what the definition of "teaching" is.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- One of the provisions in the U.S. spending bill signed into law Friday allows schools to continue counting pizza as a vegetable serving.

An unexpected side effect of this news is that children are now hiding the pizza under their mashed potatoes and moving it around the plate to make it look like they ate more than they did.

EAST LANSING, Mich. (UPI) -- Few U.S. residents use the hour they gain during the changeover from daylight saving time to standard time to catch up on their sleep, a researcher said.

Data hints that the extra hour is mostly spent reading the annual article about how few U.S. residents use the hour they gain from the changeover to catch up on extra sleep.

WASHINGTON (UPI) -- Homeowners now have 3 minutes to get out of the house with a fire compared to 17 minutes in the 1970s because of home synthetics, U.S. scientists say.

But they add that the change balances out, because homeowners no longer have to waste fifteen minutes gathering up 8-tracks while tripping over the cuff of their bell-bottom jeans.



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