10 Big Announcements from Apple Today

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1. iPhone now available in three slightly different shades of black; pre-orders crash AT&T’s network yet again
2. New iPod PicoShuffle randomly plays up to three songs
3. Upgrade to OS X takes away some feature you really liked, replaces it with another way to access the iTunes Store
4. MacAir meets cousin Duncan MacAir who has the exact same specs and same release date but was never before mentioned, for some reason
5. Apple to buy up the last functioning remnants of the global finance system
6. New iPod Taste uses proprietary TongueScreen technology
7. Time Machine now allows access to the future, but some timelines are alternate so using it violates warranty
8. The entity known as Apple Inc. is actually a front for the Federation of Light
9. New commemorative black turtleneck that plays mp3s
10. Coming next year: US Festival ‘09

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