If That Doesn't Make 'Em Leave, Nothing Will: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

YULEE, Fla. (UPI) -- Conservationists say they're working with security experts in South Africa to crack down on rhinoceros poaching.

Opposition comes from those diners who refuse to give up their traditional morning Rhino Benedict.

NEW YORK (REUTERS) -- Musicians Jackson Browne and Third Eye Blind serenaded a small group of tourists, police, fans and Occupy Wall Street activists on Thursday in a stark contrast to the cacophonous encampment that police evicted two weeks ago.

Amnesty International swiftly condemned the use of Third Eye Blind, claiming any performance by the band violates a wide variety of human rights.

POCKING, Germany (UPI) -- Ravens may be even smarter that previously thought, using gestures to communicate among themselves, a European study suggests.
TOKYO (UPI) -- Japanese researchers say they found crows have long-term memory, perhaps better than humans in some ways, allowing them to remember colors for at least a year.

In a related story, after years of struggle, goth researchers are finally being taken seriously by the scientific community.

HAMBURG, Germany, Nov. 30 (UPI) -- German researchers say they've adapted crime scene technology to determine whether bakers are sneaking fake marzipan into their holiday confections.

And does CSI: Pillsbury really sound so much worse than what's currently on television?

BERLIN (UPI) -- German authorities said members of a terrorist group believed to be behind at least 10 deaths sold a neo-Nazi version of the board game Monopoly to raise funds.

In this version the game starts as normal, but after twenty turns one player steals all the money, deeds and art, then everybody switches over to play Risk.

LIVERMORE, Calif. (UPI) -- An international panel has proposed names for elements 114 and 116, the latest heavy elements to be added to the periodic table.

To everyone's surprise, the new names have nothing to do with My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.



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