Just Don't Make The Poor Fish Fly: Woot Weads The Wire

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Every week in this space, weâ??ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: thatâ??s Woot Weads the Wire.

KAILUA, Hawaii (UPI) -- President Barack Obama and his family, on vacation in Hawaii, Tuesday released four young green sea turtles into the Pacific Ocean, the White House said.

Later that day a White House spokesperson issued a statement that the turtles had been secretly named "All The Prisoners In Guantanamo" and now the president had technically kept his promise from 2008.

ORKNEY, Scotland (UPI) -- A marine survey around islands off Scotland has found a fish-like creature without a face or a brain, researchers said.

This means the fish has two remaining options: it can be the crazy one or it can grow a mohawk and drive the van.

DUSHANBE, Tajikistan (UPI) -- Three college students were arrested for allegedly killing a man dressed as Father Frost, the Russian equivalent of Santa Claus, police in Tajikistan said.

If sentenced, they will face five years for the killing, and 230 years for infringing on the plot of the Kinks song "Father Christmas"

HOLLYWOOD (UPI) -- MTV says its hidden-camera prank U.S. reality series "Punk'd" will return for a ninth season featuring new celebrity hosts.

Which finally explains the results of yesterday's Iowa presidential caucus!

BANGKOK (UPI) -- The opposition party in Thailand plans to file impeachment proceedings against Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra and Foreign Minister Surapong Tovichakchaikul.

The movement is led by activist group Citizens Against Having To Design A Wider Ballot.

APIA, Samoa (UPI) -- Samoan officials said Friday will be completely skipped [last week] when the Pacific island switches to the west side of the international dateline.

Locals called it the worst three day holiday weekend since 1752.



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