Completely Unfair Comparisons: On Migraines, Forks, and Fortune Cookies

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There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldnâ??t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Fork vs. Prolonged Eye Contact in terms of Soup

Here is a common misperception: soup must be eaten. Not true at all. Soup can just be. Sure, it only realizes its full potential when eaten, but not with a fork. Eating soup with a fork, while possible, calls for a dip-and-suck technique, in which any pleasure derived from the consumption is offset by the embarrassment of putting a thinly-coated fork into your mouth and removing it clean. And if you ask me, Iâ??d rather be the guy staring intently at a bowl of soup than the guy sucking on a fork.

Advantage:

Prolonged Eye Contact2. A Fortune Cookie vs. A Super Computer in terms of A Spouse

In a marriage, you need support. Life is full of tough questions, and your spouse is there to help you find the answers. Well, both a super computer and a fortune cookie can provide answers; it just depends on what kinds of questions youâ??re asking. A super computer can help you figure out, â??Who was that guy in that band that one time?â?? But when it comes to the really tough questions, the type of questions you need a partner to help you work through - like, â??What do I do next?â?? or â??What are my lucky numbers?â?? - well, thatâ??s all fortune cookie.

Advantage:

A Fortune Cookie3. A Migraine vs. Being Tall in terms of How to Spend a Weekend

This one really comes down to one thing: are you already tall to begin with? If you are, youâ??ll want to go with the migraine because at least it will be a change of pace (unless, youâ??re some weirdo whoâ??s both tall and suffering from a never-ending migraine, in which case, get away from here in case itâ??s contagious). On the other hand if youâ??re somewhere in the mid-to-low 5 foot range height-wise, then being tall for the weekend will be awesome! Itâ??s a whole different world up there! A world of reach-able top shelves and uncomfortable car seats!

Advantage:

It's a toss up
The honor of rebuttal of the week for last week's argument, a blender vs. the keys to your house in terms of smoothie-making capabilities, goes to user pmillsrulz who raises the following important question:

"Do said keys have one of those dangly lanyard thingies? Because I'll take points off this advantage if, while making my smoothie, I have to hold it away from the banana or mango so I don't get goop on the lanyard itself, which could transfer to my pants thereby creating a stain or making them itchy."

Jealous of pmillsrulz's [really tiny modicum of] fame? Then post a rebuttal to one of today's arguments below, and then come back next week to see if it's been chosen!

Photos:"Eye" by flickr user, wetwebwork; "Fortune Cookies" by flickr user, maza34; "Uncertainty" by flickr user, nicubunu.photo. All used under a Creative Commons License.

 



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